This Is Only A Test...

It was…the day of reckoning. The day that I had been working towards for almost a year had finally arrived. I had been jittery all week knowing that I had to face the road that lay ahead today (pun intended). And I think in spite of what everyone has had to say about him, that I had whom I believe to be the coolest driving instructor around. C. Turner. Not only was he funny, but he also made driving fun. He isn’t the kind of person whose spirit would blossom sitting behind a desk. The previous night I had what I’d hope to be my final lesson. And I was relaxed, especially knowing that I passed the pre-road test that Turner had given me a few days before. “V.E.S – Visualization Equates Success” It was the mantra I had come up with to get me through this experience. (But then again – it seems perfect for just about any ambition that one may have!) Come on L, you can do this!!

So after my lesson that night, I had decided that it would be best if I just came back home and went straight to bed. Any focus that was not on the task at hand would be an immediate distraction (Can you picture it? Me – sitting on my bed Indian style, eyes closed, affirming my intention to the universe: “Ohm…Ohm…Ohm.” LOL Nahhhh, I didn’t really do that but ya’ll get the idea. I needed to focus!) The visualizing exercise was something that I had always found helpful in school, along with studying of course: I would visualize myself sitting at my desk and immersing myself in the exam. (I’d come a long way from writing the answers on a cheat sheet or the palm of my hand!) And so, it was this technique that I took to bed with me that night. I literally visualized the entire thing happening in my head: I would get in, put my seat belt on, adjust my mirrors, place the car in drive, flash my signal indicator, turn my wheel one half turn to the left, look out for oncoming traffic and slowly push off onto the roadway. But there seemed to be a glitch in the program…**Scary Movie Music Plays** Out of all the nights for me to get a headache, this was not it!!! Dammit! The stress that I was causing myself was finally about to explode in my head! “Calm down…you can do this!” One would think that I was on my way to my own execution! (That’s an interesting choice of words. Is this really something that I should associate with driving?! Damn!) But the only thing that I immediately wanted to execute was the throbbing tension headache. So I took some aspirin, put a covered ice pack on my head and went off to sleep. But even in sleep, my mind was racing. I was tossing and turning. I was going between sleep and waking all night. But somehow, sleep found me and I made it through the night.

A few hours later, my eyes literally just sprang open. The time: 6:53 a.m. I turned down the volume on my alarm (CD 101.9. An easy listening station. It’s the calmest station I could find to wake up to. Waking up to jazz is so much better than waking up to 50 Cent screaming in my ear. No offense 50!) and just stared up at the ceiling for while (Dang! Is that chipped paint?! And after all that time I spent painting my room!) This was it. So I made the same morning preparations I make on the day of any big test: shower, get dressed, have a good breakfast and take one last look over all relevant information. (The last time I went through this type of ritual was right before taking my LSAT -- Law School Admission Test. I had to travel all the way to Staten Island in a blizzard while the rest of New York was snowed in! Who the hell wants to get on a ferry at 7:00 a.m. in that weather?! Blahhhhhh!!) In this case, it was one last review of the driver’s manual. There really wasn’t anything to look at…I knew all this stuff, but I felt like it was my “Apollo Theater Log” – I had to rub it for good luck! LOL! 7:51 a.m. The phone rings. It was Turner. “Are you ready? Of course you’re ready! I’m on my way!”

I hung up the phone and immediately felt the need to catch my breath. What last minute thing could I do to calm myself down? My mind went blank! The next thing I know, Turner calls again: “I’m downstairs.” I go downstairs and see this man smiling at me with an out stretched hand reaffirming my confidence in myself. “Good Morning! This is it! You’re gonna do it today!” I shake his hand and get into the driver’s seat. I calmly go through the routine and we’re off to the testing site. On the way to the site, Turner decides that we should stop for gas. (Not only would it be funny…it would be so bad. Can you imagine, right in the middle of the test…the car dies on me!!!). It was at that moment that I took a look at myself in the rearview mirror. Why was I so nervous? “You are a driver girl!! Pretty soon you’ll be pumping your own gas!!” Turner gets back in. Within minutes we’re pulling up behind a long line of cars at the Starrett City testing site.

We were 12th in line. Turner immediately senses my apprehension and offers me a piece of gum. Now if anyone knows the experience of driving with me after having any kind of sugar, you’d know that offering me candy couldn’t be a good thing. According to Turner I turn into some sort of bouncing and hyper fuse ball! But today, it had the completely opposite affect. I was calm. I was ready. Turner tells me that he knows some of the examiners and warns me not to say a word to whoever my examiner turns out to be. “Charm is not your friend!!” I got it. So, we turn on the radio and wait…and wait…and wait. But just when I thought there wouldn’t be an end to the waiting, the end came. We were one car from the front of the line. It was at that point that Turner and I got out of the car. Turner says that this guy, whom he called his “Drunk Uncle”, was a cool guy. No need to be nervous. The examiner walks over to the car and I get in. He gets in on the passenger side. “Good Morning”, he says. I figured a good morning wouldn’t be an issue (“Charm is not your friend…Charm is not your friend”) so I say, “Good Morning”. And I now know it’s real when he says “Ok, please start the car and leave the curb when it’s safe to do so…” I do all the things that I’ve been doing all this time, but this time it’s for real. It was all like an out of body experience. I saw myself driving. Listening intently to everything the examiner was saying. Now I have to say that the issue for me was my left turns. I would get to the center and always turn my steering wheel before the need to arose or I would even race ahead knowing that a car was in clear view! But I made a conscious decision in the last month or so of my lessons to listen. “Please make a left turn” I signal and when all is clear, I make my left turn. I did it!! But it wasn’t over yet. I had to do that two more times along with three right turns, a k-turn and the all important parallel park. It was in the middle of my parallel park that I start smiling inside. This was it. This was my Olympic moment. I was given the opportunity to prove my skills and all I had to do now was nail the landing. After all of that, the examiner then tells me to drive back to the testing site.

I pull over and put the car in park. It was over. I knew it was over, but the wait for an answer was nerve wrecking! I look over and watch as the examiner’s pen moves feverishly across his little p.d.a. He then looks at me and says what I think was the coolest thing I’d heard in quite some time: “Please sign here. Your license should be available to you in about 2 to 3 weeks.” “I passed?” He looks at me and smiles: “Yes…you are now licensed to drive in New York State.” I PASSED!!! Oh my God!!! I passed my road test! I thank the examiner and get out of the car to see Turner on the corner. I take a couple of steps and immediately started jumping up and down! I run over and give Turner a hug. He congratulates me and says that he knew that I had it in me. I can now breath a sigh of relief.



I have conquered my fear. I have wrapped it up and put it in a pretty box and sent it on its way. This is only one in a list of fears to be conquered. Yes, the list is still long. But now there's the confidence to drive through them all – one at a time!